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"It Was Just One of Those Kodak Moments"by Emil Baldwin, Jr, LSW
For the last year or so people with headaches have learned that I don't have much sympathy for their condition and I usually meet their phrase, "My head is killin' me!" with a smile and the phrase, "If I had a head like that...it would be killin' me too!" Nine times out of ten I will get a smile from them and they feel a little bit better...or at least that's what I keep telling myself. Well, the other day I had taken the day off from work with a cold and was home when my daughter came in from school. She said, "What are you doing home so early?" I told her about my cold and said, "My head was feelin' funny". To which she said, "If I had a head like that...I'd be feelin' funny too!". We both laughed and I didn't "miss a beat" when I added, "Very good, Elizabeth...and you know what...this is one of those moments that really makes a parent proud...to know that their child has actually been paying attention to something they have said!". It's not often that we parents actually get to enjoy a Kodak moment like the one above. So many times we live out our lives wondering whether or not our kids EVER listen to anything that we say. We talk, we guide, we preach and what do we get...a roll of the eyes and one of those short, insulted "uh" sounds that teenagers are so proficient at making. It is hard for us to believe that most of the time our children respect and even end up imitating our patterns of behavior whether they admit it or not. It is a fact of life that most of the time our sons and daughters are "chips" (and "chipettes") off of the "old block" (and "blockette"). They watch us from the day they are born and start mimicking our behaviors shortly thereafter. This continues for many years and parents or relatives will comment on how little Johnny looks and acts just like his daddy or mommy. Most of the time that's OK and you can almost be seen puffing out your chest with pride, when you see how smart he or she is. But then eventually, there comes a day when you notice that they are not so obedient and loving and you become convinced that they have turned toward the dark side. You also know that these bad habits could not have come from you and that they must have come from someone else...either your wife's side of the family or...you guessed it...a BAD CROWD. But even if they are really picking up bad habits from someone else, we would probably shocked to learn that even then they, are more than likely, imitating their primary role models...mom and dad. Kids see everything we do...the good, the bad, and the ugly. They see how we smile, we show love, hate and so on. If the missionaries call and want to come over to the house, do we say, "sure" or do we start frantically searching for reasons to "put them off". Those little (and not so little) eyes and ears around us hear and see what we do and say. If we are honest and speak our convictions...they learn. If we are dishonest and manipulative...they learn that too. They learn degrees of truth and acceptability such as "white lies" are OK because they spare people's feelings and save them from pain or embarrassment. Cheating is OK if it's on your income taxes...it's a large faceless bureaucracy...and it's not like it's cheating on...you know... real people . It's OK to keep "found money" and therefore you don't have to worry about tracking down the rightful owner. In addition to the above, our children also learn how to process, organize and treat information through our example. Although they often mimic our process strategies their choices of how they apply them may be different than ours and therefore we don't recognize ourselves in them as readily. For example, if we are bored, what do we do? Maybe the father may sit in front of the tv and drink beer every night to feel good or just to do...something. The son has no interest in alcohol but he may sit in front of the tv and eat cookies for the same reasons. The grandson may sit in front of the tv playing video games for hours, again for the same reasons. The common thread...all three were bored and handled it in the same way...inactivity. I don't want to leave you with the impression that we
are the ONLY influences on our children because we're not. I also don't
want to make you think that we are totally responsible for all of our
children's victories or failures, either...because it just isn't so. Each
person must find their own path in life and although I think that free
will does exist, I know that each of us has been heavily influenced by
the people in our lives and "the road that we have traveled".
So the next time you see a little bit of yourself in your child, let them
know. You probably will get a roll of the eyes and an "Oh...mom!"
but maybe not...maybe it will be one of those rare Kodak moments...or
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