Sometimes Love is Not Enough
but
The Tie That Binds Remains
offered by Pathways C.T.R. Caretaker Resources
Foster parents, legal guardian or adoptive parents provide the connecting
lin ("Tie") that keeps families together, even though they may be far apart
or in other placements. A child placed in out of home care may have special
and unique needs, possibly requiring specialized services. Yes, even the
adopted or legal guardian child! As caregivers become aware of a child's
special needs and the requirements of the family, a decision to terminate
the child's current placement may be beneficial to all involved. In some
instances the needs of the family may have changed and fostering a child
may not fit the immediate needs of the family. Caregivers need to focus
on the INFLUENCE & IMPACT they have had on the life of a child in their
care, even if but for a short time.
Now What? A Request For Help from the CSW, School, County and Community
Resource Agency
This question is what, where, when, who, and how can the needs of this
child be met and can the placement be saved? In some instances the best
plan for the child may be relocation of the child to another foster facility.
The replacement of the child should help to reconstruct the child not
further lead the child to destructive attitudes and behaviors. The move
must also help the current caregiver bring ther family life back to order
and balance! The family involved in caregiving may feel MAD, SAD, AFRAID
and yes even GLAD! The feeling MAD because their life has been torn apart
and become chaotice; SAD because they miss the child deeply (the Tie);
AFRAID the move is not good for the child or someone will question they're
intention; and lastly glad, because the child has the hope of receiving
appropriate services to aid his/her growth and development, and the feelings
of frustration experienced by the foster parent are decreasing. The felling
of caregiver self-doubt begins to turn a corner, toward a positive path.
The caregiver and child fee this invisible "TIE" that binds them together,
the GOAL is the same; A Bright Future for the Child.
How?
The caregiver must first call the child's social worker and advise them
of the situation and request replacement. The social worker will then
seek an alternative placement that will more appropriately meet the changing
needs of the child. The social worker has a time frame of 7 days (this
is for Los Angeles; Counties will vary) in which to locate this placement.
The social worker is usually aware of the needs of the child and the feelings
of the caregiver; this indicates a joint working relationship between
the worker and the caregiver. Once a placement is located the social worker
will assist the caregiver in helping the child make a smooth transition
to a new placement, with a positive attitude! In some instances a decision
to revoke adoption or guardianship may be the best solution to meet the
specific needs of all involved. Specialized services required by the child
may become more available in a different out-of-home facility.
Realty Check!
The needs of the child are the priority! Where can this child receive
the necessary service to grow and develop into responsible adults?
Failures?
The caregiver needs to recognize and BELIEVE they did not fail. Caregivers
provide many opportunities and service to the child. The reality is the
caregiver, Agency, the social worker, or the counselor can not be all
things to all people-each has a specific gift!!
Grief/Loss!
The caregiver deeply feels the loss of the child and experiences the
stages of grief and loss. The department encourages the social worker
to be aware of the feelings of the foster caregiver and assist them in
the grieving process.
Letting Go!
In the event the child wishes to remain in contact with you (the previous
caregiver) let the child know you are ready to support, empower, and help
him make a smooth transition to his new home. As the caregiver "Lets Go"
he gives permission to the child to reach out to others to help him meet
his needs, however, the connection remains intact with the foster home.
The "Tie" remains unbroken! The previous caregiver has a responsibility
to work within the objectives of the present case plan. The caregiver
may want to contact the minor on a regular basis, we suggest boundaries
be established by the social worker, demonstrating objectives of control,
so necessary for the child.
In some cases caregivers do not wish to continue contact with the minor
that is removed from their home; in many cases the child needs to look
forward, not backward, always with the reassurance of the previous caregiver's
desire for a BRIGHT FUTURE FOR THE CHILD.
Return Visits?
The future is always a ?? however, a child that has received positive
direction and guidance in the home of a caregiver will often contact that
caregiver in later years, even as adults raising their own family!
The "Tie" Remains!
A "Special Needs" child, originally placed by a placing agency has demonstrated
the "tie That Binds" connection. This child (now adult) is now married
and has a child of his own. The young man was removed from the foster
home due to the demonstration of special needs. The child's needs were
unable to be met in the original foster home. The social worker and foster
parent worked conjointly to locate the most appropriate placement for
the child at that time. This young family man now understands the specific
need he had as a child, but has contacted the original foster caregiver,
the "Tie" still remained through GENERATIONS!!
CAREGIVERS, YOUR IMPACT UPON THE LIVES OF CHILDREN EXTEND BEYOND THE
YEARS OF CARE!!
POSITIVE KUDOS FOR FOSTER CAREGIVERS!!
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