Perhaps the most important ingredient of being human is to recognize that among the millions of souls on this earth...we are each one unique. Our ability to grow, develop, to care for and about others all hinges on what we think of ourselves. This ingredient goes by several names such as ego, self-concept, self-perception and others but most commonly it is called...self-esteem.

      How we view ourselves and our worth to others begins at a very young age. It is shaped by a number of factors but probably the two most important influences are the life experiences we have and the feedback we get from others.

      Suppose an "average ordinary" person is cruising through life, enjoying it, and feeling good about themselves. Then, out of nowhere something devastating occurs that shakes their faith to its very core. We have all known someone in this position. They may have had a terrible accident, been battered, lost someone close to them, lost their job, and so on...the list could be endless. Fortunately, most adults are able to recover from these events but often times there are scars left behind. The healing process is often slow and depends on their inner-strength and the support they get from others.

      Obviously, when we think about children in these situations we realize that they have not had as many years to build their self-esteem, consequently, that factor alone could put them at risk for more severe damage. Additionally, when you think of children who live in abusive situations and are exposed to repeated incidents...the potential for the child to have long-lasting damage is high. Consequently, children coming into foster care often lack confidence, seek attention excessively or dramatically, and pursue relationships that are not good for them just to gain acceptance...from someone.

      There are many theories and strategies on how to help people feel better about themselves. Here are a few:

      Accentuate the positive---We all like to hear about our good traits, the things that we have done right, and remember the happy or positive times in our lives. SINCERELY recognize these things in your child and encourage them to see positive qualities in themselves and others. Although some children are hard to love, ALL children have positive qualities that should be recognized.

      Teach them to experience success by giving them assignments or responsibilities that you know they can accomplish. With every success comes more confidence and an increase in the ability to cope with new situations. Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D., an expert in the field, has said, "Positive self-esteem is the immune system of the spirit, helping an individual face life problems and bounce back from adversity."

      Provide security---Emotional healing usually can't begin until the person knows that their physical needs will be met. Providing a safe environment with the basic necessities (meals on a regular basis, your own bed, etc.) ensured may be an important first step in making the child feel more comfortable, secure, and confident about their situation.

      Promote trust---Trust is an essential ingredient in any successful relationship. If it is present, the child will feel that you accept them and that they are worthy of affection in your eyes.

      Help them to achieve goals---Work with the child on setting and achieving goals. Your involvement shows that you accept them and they are worthy of your help and time. Also, they learn by your examples of how to approach and solve problems. Your self-confidence will inspire theirs !

      Teach them to confront their fears---Often times the biggest fear that humans can face is the fear of the unknown. A child, particularly a foster child, has little control over their situation and what happens to them. Consequently, life can be a very frightening place. Additionally, if your self-esteem is low, your fear of most new situations will be greater because you doubt your ability to cope with the unknown. Encourage the child to share their fears with you by being open and available to them when THEY want to talk. Observe their tone of voice, body language and so on to gauge how they are doing and the importance of their concerns.

      Although I wish it were so, building self-esteem is not a cure-all. The human personality is much too complex for a one-fix solution. However, it definitely is worth our attention and effort. Increasing the "me power" of any individual, particularly a child, is not only a noble cause, it is one that benefits us all.