RAISING THE CHILDREN

by Jennie Martin


Recently I had the privilege of helping a frightened couple prepare to answer questions defending their right to keep their children. These were extraordinarily good parents, put on the defensive by an overzealous bystander anxious to save the world. It was a nice change of pace, knowing unequivocally that removing the children from their biological home would be a travesty. Too often the issues are clouded, and we fear for the youngsters if they stay with, or are reunited with their birth families.

We know the truth. For far too long the government has been forced to raise many of our children. I contend that the state was never intended to raise kids. But the government has been put in exactly that position by default. Society has sought to find a quick fix to the problem by willingly parting with tax dollars, provided someone (e.g. the government) makes and enforces laws about parenting, and generally takes care of the families in need. Over time the emphasis changed from warehousing children to placing them in foster homes, and willing families continue to sacrifice their lives to make a broken system at least tolerable.

But the issue refuses to wane, much less be contained. And over time the inevitable has occurred. Our taxes have increased. Some people are being helped, of course. But that is not readily apparent because it is too easy to see the masses for whom help was not available, or inadequate, or inappropriately dictated, or not accepted. The vast numbers we are unable to reach because there simply are not enough resources will be heard - in the cries of a drug-addicted infant, a terrorized shopkeeper, or the deafening sound of gunshots in the night. But make no mistake. They will be heard, and they will be dealt with; it is only a matter of when and where.

It is nothing short of a tragedy that the government has been forced into a parental role in far too many arenas. With that responsibility has come the inevitable bureaucratic price tag, along with reams of rules and regulations - some for parents in general, much of it specific to the families and agencies attempting to combat the problem. This is especially true when those same rules start affecting how we parent. Indeed, there is always a price to be paid when control is turned over to another. Sometimes it just takes a while to realize the impact. It usually happens when it strikes us on a more personal level, as happened to the family I discussed earlier.

So who should raise our children? Of course, the ideal is that we would live in a society in which parents would raise the children to whom they give birth, or choose adoption. Who should help when that does not happen? I am convinced that we already possess the thousand points of light former president George Bush advocated. There are communities all across the land in which individuals and groups devote countless hours and many dollars to help alleviate this nightmare. But what we need are ten thousand upon ten thousand points of light.

I believe that only those who are attempting to work toward a solution, whether through foster parenting, adoption, volunteerism, or other advocacy, have a right to ask other, more penetrating questions. Where are the extended families? Where are the churches? Where are those who, in vain, are still attempting to hide their heads in the sands of denial, vehemently crying out that it is not their problem? We not only have a right; we have an obligation to demand greater accountability, to be allowed to attempt creative solutions, to allow our voices to be heard over society's battle cries of disillusionment and approaching defeat.

Only when we persist in asking the right questions, while working within the existing framework, can we effectively begin to change the status quo. In doing so, we can start to address real changes in the laws. This must happen to alleviate the mechanism that allows kids to languish in a system that robs them of their very childhood in the name of saving them. And all the while we wait for their parents to be ready to parent. But I am afraid that is another article.


Biography of Jennie Martin

Jennie Martin has a B.A. in psychology and speech, and a master's degree in counseling psychology, as well as years of experience working with troubled children and families, both as a therapist in a youth residential setting, and as a supervisor for a nonprofit agency working with foster care, family-centered services, independent living, and special needs adoption. In addition, Mrs. Martin has personally experienced a disrupted adoption.

Her educational background, coupled with her professional and personal experience, allow Mrs. Martin to bring a unique perspective to her writing. She has written/compiled an extensive foster parent training manual, published numerous articles, devotional material, and children's programs, and has an agent seeking a market for her first book. She enjoys speaking on a variety of topics.

Please feel free to contact Jennie Martin for questions or comments, or to request her as a speaker.


 

 

 

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