The Bend in the Road: A Path To Adoption Through Foster Care
By: Tina Vercelli
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It has been said that, “The bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn.” Sometimes we become so caught up in where we want to go that we forget that there are times we have to take a different path to get to our destination.

Both Jim and I have one sibling each, so when we began to talk about starting a family, we decided that the ideal situation would be to have just one boy and one girl. We wanted to be the average couple with the average number of children. Just like our parents.

While we were dating, we had both said we would like to adopt if we couldn’t have biological children, and both of us had close friends that were adopted. When we first found out we were unable to conceive, it was only natural for us to pursue adoption. For us, it was the next logical step in building our family.

Soon we began to explore all the different types of adoption. I did tons of research about both international and domestic adoptions, and found that they were so expensive. Both of us being on the practical side, we just could not justify the expense of those options. Especially, since there were so many foster children in need of families. That is when we started looking into adopting through the state of Oklahoma.

When we started the process, I only wanted to adopt. Foster care, in my opinion, was not an option I wished to pursue. I didn’t not want to “become attached” only to have a child sent back to their biological parents. I was not willing to risk my heart being broken, and I was adamant about my opinion. Little did I know that God had other plans for us all. God had placed a bend in the road, and he wanted to see if I had the courage and faith to take it

After going through the adoption home study process and getting approved to adopt, we waited for what seemed like an eternity, without being matched with a child. Then, a relative of mine heard about a sibling group that had just been taken into custody. My relative called Jim, and told him the story. He immediately called the caseworker, explained that we were approved for adoption, and “may” be interested in taking the children as a foster placement. He got the basic information of the case, and then called me at work. At first, I dug my heels in protest. Didn’t he know I wasn’t willing to do this?

But then, amongst all my verbal objections, he made the statement, “They are sitting in the youth shelter!” It was at that point I realized, as an adult, I should be able to risk heartbreak in order to help a child whose heart was already broken. I had no idea how long these children would stay, but I knew that I needed to take the chance. I told him to tell the caseworker to bring those babies to me!

Krystal and Ashley were placed with us on Valentine’s Day. It was a long journey, but finally after four and one half years, we were allowed to adopt the girls. We also opened our home to other foster children, thirteen over the course of seven years. However, we really wanted to add a son to our forever family. Three children was one more than the original plan, but that was OK, we were flexible. But once again, God placed another bend in the road.

We received a call that two young toddlers were in the shelter. Andrew was 2 years old and Nicholas was only 11 months old when they were taken into custody. Their biological mother had abandoned them. The boys had been bounced around from family member to family member for six months, and no one could care for them permanently. Soon we were picking them up and bringing them home with us. We even had the joy of celebrating Nicholas’ first birthday, something we had never got to do with any of our other children.

The caseworker knew from reports that the boys had an older brother, Alex, but according to the relatives, he lived with his maternal grandmother. No one really knew where he was either. I worried so about this child, even though I had never met him. Was he safe? Did he have enough to eat? We told the caseworker that if their brother ever was taken into custody we would be willing to take him. Andrew and Nicholas were too young to remember their brother, but they deserved to be with him, if the opportunity arose. Andrew and Nicholas were assigned a CASA worker, who started a diligent search for their brother. She talked to relatives and traveled across the state looking for information.

Finally, she found Alex living with his grandmother in a motel. She was taking good care of Alex, but she did not feel she could take care of all three boys. The CASA worker explained to their grandmother the situation, and told her that we would be willing to take Alex if she was ever unable to care for him. She declined the offer but agreed to contact the CASA worker if things changed. Disappointed, we accepted her decision, and began to look forward to a life with two girls and two boys.

Soon, it became apparent that the boys’ biological mother was not coming back for them. None of her relatives had heard from her in months. Most of them feared that she was dead. The wheels were put in motion to terminate parental rights. Even though the case seemed cut and dry, it would take over a year to reach termination. At the time I was impatient and wanted things to move quickly. But “The Plan” was different, and we soon found out why.

A few months after Andrew and Nicholas were placed with us, the boys’ grandmother hit hard times. She was having a hard time getting work and was moving from place to place just to provide for Alex. Also, Alex was getting close to school age, and she wanted him in a stable place to go to school. Their grandmother called the CASA worker, and asked if we were still willing to take Alex. We agreed, and he was placed into custody as a foster child. We were allowed to adopted Andrew and Nicholas first, but within a few months, we were able to adopt Alex as well.

Certainly, parenting five children was not part of our original plan. And having a large family certainly is not the average these days. People ask us “How do you DO it?” I really don’t have an answer, other than, “We just DO!” It’s not easy, but I don’t remember what life was like before we got our children. It seems like another lifetime ago. I am just so grateful that God opened my mind and my heart to the thought of becoming a foster parent. I would have missed out on so much if I had not taken the turn at the bend in the road.