This time of year everyone is racking their brains for gift ideas. While it is always wise to pick age appropriate gifts for everyone on your list, be sure to include some toys for your teens.

Foster kids have often missed or skipped over childhood. For some, they have never known the joy of opening up impractical, fun gifts or at least not since they were aged four or five. Parents experiencing trouble with their kids seem to want them to grow up quickly. I suppose, they feel if they hurry adulthood, at least their ( the parents) problems will be over. This attitude prevails and gift choices reflect it. Many kids are told "You don't want that, that toy is for babies."

We learned very early on, in fact with our first foster kid, the value of toys and plays. When in the kitchen one day, I heard a "brumm, brumm" noise coming from the family room. I lightly tiptoed down the stairs just far enough to get a peak. There was my street -hardened, hell's -angel- look -alike driving a toy car across the carpet. This was a tough kid. I was the only person home so I guess he thought it was safe to be un-cool.

In that case, this child had come from a poor, poverty level home with many siblings to share what little there was to divide among them. I quietly returned upstairs to allow this kid to spend more time on his long overdue playtime. He had often been responsible for his many brothers and sisters so grew up so fast that his childhood was cut short

As a toy collector myself and having sold collectible dolls and toys at shows across the country, I know how grown ups respond to toys. They want to recapture their childhood. The memories of youth are important to them and again for some of them, they never had many toys as a child. I once sold a doll to a man who had me dress it up special for a lady friend of his who was in her seventies. She had never had a doll. Teens are no different than adults. They still appreciate toys.

Give your foster teens the electronic equipment they crave. Make sure they have their favorite music, the only brand of jeans they will wear, and the software for their new computer. Now, add a toy. Something impractical and frivolous, silly even. Stand back and watch.

You will see a transformation overcome them. You will see them develop a childlike attitude and an innocense. Don't worry if they scoff at the gift. They will just play with it when you're not looking. Let them be macho if they must in front of the whole family and their peers. You can still encourage them to play with it and if all the other foster kids have toys, someone will weaken.

I've watched big kids, really get into making roads in the sand for smaller children. Never could tell who had more fun. I've had toughened, wizened street kids sit just close enough to hear stories I have read to my little grandchildren. Sometimes, I believe they would have gladly climbed up onto my lap if they were not so worried about appearances.

Christmas time at our house always means everyone receives a toy they can actually play with from babies to our own parents. People come to life and recapture those special moments when they were young. Don't be afraid to use your imagination when considering what toys would be best for what kids.

Sometimes we have bought all our grown kids the same toys or one thing for boys and one for girls. One year stockings contained batons for all the grown women to twirl and blow dart guns for all the grown men to shoot. Except for finding the darts for two years after the event and having to occasionally remove one of those "rubber suction cup thingys" from my butt, it went very well. Everyone still talks about the fun we had.

God guide all of you that foster this holiday season and always.

Other articles on Foster Parent Community by Jo Ann Wentzel:

• Reasonable Expectations of Foster Kids
• The Value of Consistency
• Hanging In There For The Long Haul
• Teens Believe They Are Immortal
• Picking Your Battles
• School Violence Due In Part To Intolerance
• Foster Kids Really Are Ours
• Gifts To The Foster Parent
• Help Kids Discover Their Softer Side
• Yippee! Kids Go Back to School, Oh No! Trouble Now Begins
• Caring for A Pregnant Teen
• Learning On The Job
• Did We Know How to Parent Before Labels?

Biography of Jo Ann Wentzel

Between the years of 1966 and 1993, I brought children into life, into my foster home, into court, and into their own apartments. Mother of three, two natural children born to me and one foster kid who never left our family, grandmother to five, foster mom to over 75 kids, and mother, friend,, guardian angel,, or their worse nightmare, depending on which of the other hundreds of kids you ask.

A quarter of a century devoted to raising children, learning what issues concerned them, volunteering to help groups serving kids, and teaching others what little I know. Life Ready was our own business where we installed kids, who had no other choice, into their own apartment. My husband and I, as para-professionals, also were contracted by counties in Minnesota to supervise kids and work with families to help get foster kids back home. Before foster care, I was a licensed daycare provider and cared for all ages of children. During foster care, our specialty was teenaged boys and we had a group home where we served up to eight youth at a time. Street kids and gang members were among those we worked with and families ranged from traditional to what in the world. Our kids came from all over Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, and North Dakota. Volunteer positions were held in Pennsylvania, Texas, and Minnesota.

I have held the position of Guardian-ad-Litem in Goodhue County, a paid not volunteer position. I trained to be a surrogate parent which enables you to sign I.E.Ps for children whose parents can't or won't. I have taken Mediator training for Minnesota court system. With my husband, I presented a seminar at the Minnesota Social Worker's Convention in Minneapolis, spoke at the Federal Medical Center( a prison), and gave several talks to school classrooms.

My book is about the experiences and adventures of a foster parent. It encourages creative parenting and offers useful methods and ideas for everyone raising kids. It features just a few of the many wonderful kids that lived with us.It tells how we ran our home of as many as eight teenaged foster kids at a time. It is written from the viewpoint of the expert, the one who does the job, the hands on provider- the foster parent.This book is currently looking for a publisher and will be available just as soon as we find one.